‘Dear Utah,’ let me tell you about domestic violence

This personal story stopped me in my tracks and once again made me realize how often we just don’t know who domestic violence is impacting. The author shared it recently on “Dear Utah,” a new website dedicated to building awareness of Utah’s domestic violence problem. Here’s an excerpt:
“I’m your fun neighbor. I’m on PTA and other boards with you. My kids play at your home and on teams with your kids. I attend church weekly with you. My husband is very prominent in his career and we have a well-known name. We have a large home, vacation all over, and are highly respected. However, for the past 25 years, our marriage has been filled with abusive episodes both physical and emotional … He has threatened to harm himself if I leave. He has threatened to harm me if I leave. I worry that if I do try to get a protective order, he will sway the judge in convincing them that I am the problem, as he is extremely well-versed in manipulating others for his own gain. I just think it is important for people in the SLC Mormon community to know that this is a REAL problem and I wish there was a solution that did not have the very real possible outcome of violence. I no longer believe in marriage, I have difficulty trusting people, and my expectations for compassion and kindness are critically low. I wish there was an exit plan for me to get out of this relationship without risking my very life, but I’m afraid it will come to that eventually.”
Earlier this week, domestic violence service providers and a coalition of supporters met at Utah’s Capitol to launch “Dear Utah.” Susan Madsen, from the Utah Women and Leadership Project and a Bolder Way Forward, spoke to the purple-clad crowd at Tuesday’s event and said, “It’s time for change. We have to get our rates down in Utah.”
Her research from 2023 found that 1 in 3 Utah women and 1 in 7 Utah men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. A statewide needs assessment conducted in 2022 found a similar 1 in 3 rate for white women, but a 1 in 2 rate for women who have two or more racial backgrounds, 68% for Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander populations and a whopping 84% for Native American women living in Utah.
Pete Codella, the managing director of business services in the Utah Governor’s Office of Economic Opportunity, dedicated his most recent “Business Elevated” podcast episode to the topic of domestic violence and shared how his life was impacted when a college friend, Kerilyn Johnson, was killed by her husband in June. Multiple speakers at the “Dear Utah” kickoff emphasized that every Utahn has been impacted by domestic violence, either personally, or within their circle of family and friends.
Nubia Peña, senior adviser on Equity and Opportunity and director of the Utah Division of Multicultural Affairs, also spoke from the heart at Tuesday’s kickoff. “We wish for this campaign to reach the four corners of the state,” she said, so that more people know that help is available. “For people who fear that they have to navigate through some of the darkest and most painful moments on their own,” she continued, “we unapologetically declare that they are not alone. We wish for them to know that we want them to live with dignity, without being afraid for their safety and that of their loved ones.”
Utah state Rep. Gay Lynn Bennion said the “Dear Utah” campaign goes beyond just raising awareness. “Domestic violence is not a distant issue,” she said, but something that touches all of us. She shared that two women that she knew died from domestic violence homicide this year.
“We all have a responsibility,” she said, to do more to protect and get help for the victims of domestic violence in Utah.